


Sandwiches and Chickens

by nicostolemybones (fatherlords)



Series: headcanons ideas and not quite fics [4]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Nico goes feral, it happened in asks so the top parts are their contributions and the bottom parts mine, rated mature to be safe, slime gets eaten, then it dissolves into pure crack, there's a sandwich, theres a chicken, these start of actually serious, this happened a while ago on tumblr between me and a mutual, this is just pure chaos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 13:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 111
Words: 8,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22846627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherlords/pseuds/nicostolemybones
Summary: I have no idea what this is either help
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Series: headcanons ideas and not quite fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642357
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Personally, I love trans Nico, and I also love the head canon that Nico is super sensitive when it comes to being sensory overloaded, Will keeps a corner of the infirmary quiet with the lights dimmed for when everything around Nico is just too much.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Yes, same!!! I imagine touch and light to be the most likely to cause sensory overload for Nico, and sound and smell for Will (of course other things will cause sensory overload too, but I headcanon them as being more sensitive to certain inputs if that makes sense?)


	2. Chapter 2

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
I think sometimes Will’ll get frazzled sometimes, and he has to take a few moments alone in the woods/back of the infirmary/Nico’s cabin/ literally anywhere silent until the ringing in his ears stops and the sting of the antiseptic is out of his nose.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Yes!!!! And I also think he almost never sleeps in his own cabin because it’s so overwhelming in there, and Nico’s is quiet. I imagine him wearing noise cancelling headphones with no sound, but he often stims by dancing and spinning or tapping out rhythms or humming, so everybody thinks he’s always playing music


	3. Chapter 3

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Meanwhile Nico likes to chew on things and feel different textures to help him calm down. Will actually made him a weighted blanket with about a dozen different texture fabrics, and Nico can never express how having something to run his hands over like that is so so helpful and calming

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
I love that headcanon! I definitely agree with Nico chewing on things!!! Especially rubber or plastic! Some more personal headcanons I have: I see Nico as touch sensitive and touch averse, so I see Nico as being easily overwhelmed by textures. He needs cotton clothes but fabric softener makes them unbearable and itchy. Labels are the bane of his existence. Like for Nico, most physical contact or certain textures are just NOPE! Launfry means scratchy clothes again so he has a habit of wearing his clothes a little too long because they’re comfortable. Until they get too sweaty which is sensory hell. So I headcanon Nico as having lots of fluffy and soft textures he likes running his fingers through. I see Will as absolutely LOVING rough textures, like imagine talking to him and he’s calmingly rubbing his hands over the carpet but he’s slowly getting lower and lower until he just gives in bc he absolutely Must Roll On The Carpet At All Costs. I also see Will as being touch sensitive and touch seeking, so he loves rough and weird textures and loves deep pressure hugs. You can just crush Will under a rock and he’ll be happy for days


	4. Chapter 4

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Sometimes I think Nico gets back disassociation episodes, and touching the different fabrics, even if he doesn’t like them, helps him come back to himself. I also like to head canon that Will has a Thing for plants, since they run on the sun like he does, and he can relate to wilting in the winter

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! I see Nico’s dissociation as ranging from lasting a few minutes where he’s able to ground himself to severe ones when he gets badly triggered, hours, maybe even days long where it’s almost impossible to get through to him or for him to even move or talk or process any input from his environment. Also WILL LOVING PLANTS IS MY LIFE!!! He definitely has terrariums in the infirmary, and he learns flower code and makes flower crowns with secret messages for Nico!


	5. Chapter 5

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
All of the cacti in the Hades Cabin belong to Will, but Nico will be dammed if he lets them look anything other than magnificent all the time because he knows how much joy they bring Will. Also, the task of taking care of the plants helps Nico remember to take care of himself, and aloe is super good to help clean the air, and the Hades cabin is permanently stuffy

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Aloe also makes good ointment too! I can imagine Will growing plants to make ointments and lip balms and face masks and soaps and drinks and he experiments on Nico so Nico always has amazing skin? But Will just?? Cannot get rid of his acne? He’s tried everything but nothing works. I can also imagine, thanks to Lou- Ellen, Will becoming interested in witchcraft, but more of a kitchen witch or a green witch? Like he’s always making teas with protection spells and herbal concoctions for Nico and he’s always baking spells into his food (and burning the kitchen down in the process so Nico does it for him) and he is always in the woods foraging for different herbs and mushrooms and plants. He also loves moss. He sees moss, he goes feral. Also Will and Nico are totally crows when it comes to going on walks and giving gifts. From bottle caps to pine cones to shiny rocks, they’ll pick them up and share their crow stashes with each other! Like Nico will be sad and Will will just put a shiny rock in his hands and Nico smiles and adds it to his collection. Or Will being stressed and Nico just gives him a shiny bottle cap necklace he made and Will won’t stop stimming with the shiny for days. Random trinkets is their love language


	6. Chapter 6

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Ho boy do I love random trinkets! Nico traveling the world and not necessarily getting Will presents from all the places he visits, but things like pins or stickers or notepads, little things like that. Will is a vsco girl at heart and has at least a half dozen water bottles covered in stickers Nico got him, and has a jean jacket that has pins from all over the world on it

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Yes!!!! Also flowers!! Nico will bring a bunch of flowers from Venice and Will puts them in a flower press and keeps them in a giant scrapbook. Will has so many pin badges, badges from Pride in at least 20 different countries, hundreds of cities, he has so many stickers on his notebooks, so many random jars of small rocks and soil from different countries? Also Nico?? Being an artist??? Doing sketches for Will?? Having Will in his notebook all the time, giving him some of them? Nico with a Polaroid camera too taking so many secret pictures of Will in the sunlight?  
I also have a slightly more morbid headcanon (tell me if this squicks you and I’ll avoid it) where Nico is a bit like a cat?? Like how they leave dead birds in your shoe, but just Nico does it with bones? Like Will will be looking in his pockets for a pen and he pulls out a tiny crow skull on a necklace, or there’s just??? A random femur under his pillow?? There’s a skull with roses in the eye sockets on his desk?? He has a full human skeleton he can keep in his office or use to teach campers now. He’s kinda glad because full skeletons for medical and teaching purposes are super expensive


	7. Chapter 7

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Holy shit the first time Will realized it was Nico leaving the bones for him Will was like “what the actual fuck” but when Nico explained that he always found the bones (except those lizard bones that was one time Will) and he gave them to Will because he thought they were cool and Will is probably the only other person who would share that sentiment, Will is much more used to accepting the random skeletal parts

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will goes from horrified to endeared because Nico’s trying to share a part of his life with Will and trying to say he cares about him and gifting him bones may not exactly be chocolates but dammit it’s absolutely adorable he’s like a cat and Will’s melting because it’s Nico trying to be sweet and it means something special to Nico to gift bones to Will so dammit they’re special to Will too.   
Will gifting Nico arrowheads even though Nico doesn’t do archery much because Will was taught to make them by his brothers and archery is a big part of his life he wants to share with Nico, so Nico has a drawer full of hand crafted arrowheads and he knows exactly how much they mean to Will


	8. Chapter 8

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Speaking of Nico being an artist, I absolutely love that headcanon. Painting/drawing/sketching/anything at all makes Nico feel like he can express himself and get his knotted up emotions out of his chest for a little while. He loves to draw Will, and a lot of times he’ll take pictures of beautiful landscapes when he travels and draw Will into them and then gift them to Will to let him know that Nico is always thinking about him

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Yes!!! At first he feels like he can never get Will drawn right, because he’s trying So Hard Not To Mess Up. But one day he just thinks of Will being silly and goofing around and he’s just trying to paint an angel and Oops It’s Will and it’s the most beautiful painting Nico has ever done and he realises that he doesn’t need to obsess over the exact size of every freckle. Will is just So Beautiful, he’s Nico’s muse. Any art block is immediately cured by thinking of Will whilst drawing.  
Nico also uses art to vent, because it’s a healthy outlet. If he gets everything out on paper, from trauma to intrusive thoughts, it seems less scary. It’s on paper, it’s a drawing. And any bad thoughts or urges have passed now whilst drawing. And if they haven’t, he can process them better when they’re on paper. He’s terrified of Will seeing those drawings in case Will thinks they’re ideations or to trigger Nico more, but Will understands. He gets intrusive thoughts and has trauma too, he just writes his out in angsty poetry.   
Nico and Will share each others vent art and poems, and it helps them both to heal


	9. Chapter 9

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Also, just Will writing super shitty poems for the fun of it. At the end of the day, Will and Nico are still just so young, and sometimes Will likes to write poems about how he dropped his sandwich at lunch or how one of his patients was snobby today. Sometimes Nico likes to paint ridiculous things too, like a dog driving a car, simply because it’s just fun, and it’s something he and Will can laugh about together

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will writes the most cheesy, silly haikus and sonnets to dramatically perform. Also Will dropping his sandwich results in the most dramatic pout and three days of poems. A year later, he remembers the sandwich he dropped, and yes, he’s still salty about it. Nico will draw these funny little cartoons on Will’s paper lunchbags (usually pasta and salad Nico cooked for him). They’ll be anything from a dog chasing after a ball that was never thrown, to a little love story that ends with a vine reference, to medical puns that have Will laughing hysterically.   
They’re totally that couple who were really good friends first with hundreds of inside jokes.   
Also they 100% have singing screeching contests at like?? 3am??? There’s screaming coming from the cabin and someone thinks they’re having a nasty fight?? But?? They burst in and?? Nico and Will are bouncing around in their underwear with a pillow and a hairbrush as a microphone attempting to heavy metal scream the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody??


	10. Chapter 10

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
I love these dumb boys so much, and the Dropped Sandwich Incident absolutely becomes something of an urban tale around camp and showcased first hand how Apollo’s kids are true theatrics at heart no matter what their skills appear to be. If anyone ever speaks about it, Will would burst out into a memorized poem about how hard it is to be him. Nico’s absolutely over it by year three Will’s still mourning the sandwich on the anniversary

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
It’s such a meme around camp that by the morning of the sandwichgate anniversary, there are candles and flowers on the spot where the sandwich was dropped. There are tributes in the form of poems and songs. Will writes a full-on obituary. Sandwich. You were beautiful. You had just the right amount of cheese and doritos to be a true fucking snack. And now you’re amongst the stars, your cheese dust feeds the very plants that grow beneath my feet, and your starchy glory is forever in my heart. Rest in peace, sandwich, rest in peace. And at first Nico holds a little funeral for it complete with a ceremonial burning of the sandwich, followed by an effigy every year, but by the time there like 19?? And like??? Will is still holding yearly memorials for the sandwich?? Which was just grated cheese, mayonnaise, and cheesy doritos?? On plain white bread?? With a tiny amount of butter? Like it was the blandest thing?? And like they were 14?? And are 19 Will is STILL on his bullshit?? Why do I love him again??

ask-will-and-nico   
This gets me so weak, Will writes a beautiful poem for the sandwich every year

nicohasahappymeal   
One of his haikus (Apollo approved)   
Darling cheese sandwich,  
Saying goodbye is so hard   
I loved you dearly


	11. Chapter 11

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Chiron finally tells Will maybe the ceremony is a little unnecessary, and Will pouts for a full on week before Nico finally gets him a new sandwich, exactly the same as the one Will dropped, and Will laments about how it’s not the same Nico how could you be so heartless???? Nico wishes he understood why he loved Will

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
But the cheese, Nico, it’s not as cheesy! The doritos don’t have the same unique shapes, the same amount of cheese dust, they don’t absorb the same amount of mayonnaise, you heathen!!! How could you betray me like this?  
Nico, staring into the camera like he’s on the office: -_- please I crave death kill me gods please  
Lou-Ellen and Cecil, filming the whole thing: we are playing this at the wedding!!!


	12. Chapter 12

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico has The Sandwich handcrafted at a deli as a wedding gift for Will

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He loves it and Nico is SO relieved because FINALLY sandwhichgate is over, no more poems, no more funerals, no more bullshit!   
But it turns out he’s allergic to something in the mayonnaise and he’s lactose intolerant so he’s ill the whole wedding night and then HE DECLARES WAR ON THE SANDWICH. There is a whole new ANTHOLOGY of poems dedicated to how much he hates the goddamned sandwich. He preys to Hades to damn the goddamned sandwich to Tartarus. Nico wishes for death.


	13. Chapter 13

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico tried to divorce Will before they even get through the honeymoon

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will: Nico. Nico you don’t understand. The betrayal. My one true love betrayed me. It was the spiciest food I had ever tasted-  
Nico, having an existential crisis: *Did he just,,, call a cheese mayonnaise and dorito sandwich,,, spicy,,,* DIVORCE!!! I WANT A DIVORCE!!! HIT ME WITH YOUR CAR!!!


	14. Chapter 14

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will: Nico, Nico you don’t understand Nico: WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND IS HOW I MARRIED YOU

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will: Nico cheesy doritos are spicy, trust me  
Nico: YOU INSULT MY FAMILY WILL!!! MY GRANDMA DID NOT DIE FOR THIS!!!


	15. Chapter 15

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico actually doesn’t talk to Will for almost a whole day of their honeymoon. Instead, he orders a shit ton of spicy food from room service and eats it on the bed without saying a word, staring at Will the whole time

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will’s eyes are watering just from the smell of the spice. Nico eats a jar of chillies out of spite


	16. Chapter 16

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico actually had really bad acid reflux after that and a stomach ache that lasted almost two days after that but he would never tell Will, even though Will knew. Nico was pretty shit at hiding stomach aches

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico, dramatically groaning and rolling on the floor:  
Will: you good??? Did the chilli hurt your stomach??  
Nico, panicking: I’m pregnant!!!  
Will: -_- gods grant me the strength to not facepalm and eye roll out loud-


	17. Chapter 17

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico plays that he’s pregnant for almost a whole month because he will not Let It Go and just admit maybe he shouldn’t have eaten four servings of spicy pad thai

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico, 9 months later, t-posing in Percy and Annabeth’s apartment: look, you gotta let me borrow a baby for the next 18 years no I can’t explain yes it’s important


	18. Chapter 18

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will coming home from work to find Nico with a baby and Nico’s like “surprise! It’s a boy” and Will absolutely Does Not Know What To Say

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico, holding a baby:  
Will, opening a biology textbook: this is an alternate dimension. Or I’m on drugs. I must have accidentally had drugs. I’m hallucinating or dreaming.   
Baby: poops  
Will: crap it’s real HI BABY I’M DAD!!!


	19. Chapter 19

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico will not tell him where he got the baby and insists that it’s Will’s and in a moment of weakness Will is forced to reconsider everything he thought he knew about biology

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will has full on whack biology theories and all his work colleagues are Concerned ™ and give him the talk, and he’s like- no no you don’t understand my boyfriend pooped out a baby and they’re like- *whispers in terror* is he even qualified???


	20. Chapter 20

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico, who absolutely will not tell Will that he’s watching the baby for a few days for Percy and Annabeth. They have the baby for like five days and each day Will becomes a little more and more unhinged and convinced that maybe Nico actually was pregnant and holy shit Will should ask Nico about letting him do a study on him and Will becomes so attached to the baby Nico really doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he has to give the baby back

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico just straight up goes to Hades like- I’ll get you five souls for a baby that looks like this one, and Hades is like- son we talked about this no murder, wtf why do you want a baby? And Nico explains and Hades just. Stares into the void. He cannot understand how a bland sandwich lead to this. But like Hades doesn’t want Will to cry because Will can really CRY so Hades gives Nico a whole ass baby from the underworld but he attaches a note to Will letting the poor guy know what’s going on and Will’s just. Confused. Like he was SURE Nico had given birth. He’s just remembering that it’s biologically impossible. Now he feels like an idiot but like. There’s a cute baby. He is dad now. He buys cable knit sweaters just to be A Dad ™. His entire aesthetic becomes Patton Sanders. Nico thanks the dead sandwich for his perfect family.


	21. Chapter 21

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Shit that last ask sent too fast. Now Nico has this little baby that he absolutely does not k is how to take care of, but it makes his husband so happy, but it honestly freaks Nico out so much to actually be a dad now

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico has no idea what he’s doing. Can babies hold swords? That’s safe right? If it poops you just put it in rice right? Or is that if you drop your phone in water? Nico doesn’t know. Sleep? What’s sleep? How do you hold a baby? Are there rules? Don’t get the gremlin wet, don’t feed the gremlin after midnight. That was for babies right? If they cry you just draw a line in chalk in front of them! Or is that how to hypnotise a chicken. But like- the baby laughed when Nico stubbed his toe so??


	22. Chapter 22

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
This all started out as a joke on Will but now Nico is actually responsible for this little life holy shit. The baby probably already hates him, doesn’t it? It only ever smiled when Will held it. Nico’s never done so much google research 

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
But then one day the baby just. Won’t settle? And Nico is panicking big time. He never wants to see a sandwich ever again. He panics and starts explaining mythomagic and he gets completely lost in explaining then??? The baby is asleep on him??? Then when the baby wakes up, Nico boops his nose and the baby just?? Grabs his finger and makes happy noises?? And Nico just. Melts? He Must Protect His Son. Then the baby bites his finger and Nico is just. Done. The baby is hysterically laughing.


	23. Chapter 23

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will’s never seen such a sweet sight in his entire life. He never would’ve imagined that when he dropped his sandwich on the floor all those years ago and made a scene about it, that it would end up leading him here when he had this wonderful family that he loved more than anything else in the entire world

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will declares the sandwich war over. He decides to eat another one to reminisce old times. He has forgotten his wedding night. His lactose intolerance and allergy to something in the mayonnaise flair up. He is in agony. He is dying. He has never known such pain. He has been in the bathroom for so long he has forgotten what the rest of the rooms look like. He officially declares his war on the sandwich back on


	24. Chapter 24

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico and Baby are not impressed. He considers filing for divorce again as Will laments about his hatred for sandwiches

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will fights his war against the sandwiches by eating them out of spite. Will is a dumbass. Will is in agony almost every day because he’s allergic and lactose intolerant. He refuses to let the sandwich win. Nico and his colleagues stage an intervention. Will is not happy. He eats stim slime out of spite. He has to have his stomach pumped


	25. Chapter 25

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
The intervention comes when Baby is allergic to mayonnaise as well. Nico constantly goes behind Will and throws the bottles out when Will buys them, but he keeps buying more. Finally, now that Baby is allergic as well, Will stops buying mayonnaise. Nico pays that this means Sandwich War II is over

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will, however, is still lactose intolerant and dumb of ass. His war continues. He is in constant agony. He has counted all of the tiles in the bathroom. Nico craves death. When. When will Will learn. Please gods stop him from eating cheese sandwiches


	26. Chapter 26

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico buys him medicine. Will takes it and eats more cheese. Nico threatens to leave him, and only then is Nico set free from his prison. Will declares the war over, only because he’s been to the hospital three times now and they can’t afford anymore trips to the ER

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Then Will hears about the NHS. He starts looking up British citizenship. The place sounds tiny. They consider half an hour away far. You can get from one end to the other in 14 hours or so. The beach is always 3 or 4 hours away. There’s so many McDonald’s that Nico would be spoiled for choice. Will can continue his war on the sandwiches if he becomes British and uses the free health care


	27. Chapter 27

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico thinks Will is ridiculous. All of this for a sandwich war? They have Baby now. Shouldn’t Will be focusing more on being a parent than being petty? He should be becoming more responsible. Nico couldn’t imagine it would come to this

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico knows Will needs to win the war for it to end. So Nico discreetly and slowly replaces all the dairy with lactose free options. Will is convinced that he has defeated lactose intolerance. His colleagues are sworn to silence. Nico hopes this works


	28. Chapter 28

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will is never allowed to go grocery shopping with Nico ever again. It seems to work when Will is no longer sick and is not forcing himself to eat sandwiches. Nico weeps when Will declares the war over

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The war may be over but Will has decided he likes the taste of stim slime. He eats it for the second time. He needs his stomach pumped again. He decides he will conquer slime. Nico begs the gods for help


	29. Chapter 29

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico doesn’t think he’s ever gotten sick watching someone else eat something, but he does when Will eats the slime. Every time he saw it, he threw up. It was his last string to try and get Will to stop. Baby was getting older now, and Nico didn’t know what to do. He’s talked to everyone he thought might help. He didn’t know who else to turn to now

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will notices how much his behaviour has begun to distress Nico, so he sits down with him and they talk. Nico explains that whilst it all started off funny, it’s become distressing and he’d like Will to stop. They have a baby now. Will ends his war on slime. He sets about planning his apology. It’s gotta be pretty big


	30. Chapter 30

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Flowers wouldn’t be enough, and Nico didn’t really care about them anyway. Will could take care of Baby for a night, but that wasn’t an apology. That was just what he should be doing as a parent. He didn’t know what to do to make it up to Nico for all of the distress he’s caused

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will spent a long time trying to figure out what to do. Nothing seemed good enough. Nothing seemed like it meant something. So Will apologised again, and decided to make it up to Nico by simply spending more time with him, and planning dates.


	31. Chapter 31

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico thinks he cried the time they went out to eat and Will specifically ordered his salad without cheese. What a relief. Finally, they could put Sandwichagedden behind them. Nico’s prayers had been answered, and he could finally rest in peace

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
They started to spend more time together, as a family, just enjoying each others company. Things were perfect. Then Will adopted a pet chicken.


	32. Chapter 32

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico‘a never interacted with a chicken before

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The chicken is an absolute feral bastard. It can and will peck your face off. Unless you’re Will. He likes Will.


	33. Chapter 33

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
The chicken has its own room in the house. Nico never goes anywhere near it

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Until Will starts bringing the chicken out to say hello. It always stares Nico down. He tries to pet it. He gets pecked. But the chicken makes Will happy. So Nico tolerates it. The chicken doesn’t peck anyone else though. Just Nico. Nico decides it either thinks Will is its chick who needs protecting, or that the chicken is jealous of him


	34. Chapter 34

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
He unlocks a secret third possibility. This chicken was sent to mildly inconvenience him constantly. It’s his cosmic debt because of all the mayhem he’s caused. The chicken was sent from hades himself to annoy Nico like Nico had annoyed his father when he was younger. Nico’s never really had any strong opinions on foul, but he hates this one

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Until one day, Nico’s sick. It’s a harmless virus, but it’s been a long time since he’s felt so ill. And the chicken walks in. Nico doesn’t have the strength to sit up, so he accepts his fate. He’s going to be pecked. But??? The chicken just?? Curls up besides him?? Making happy chicken noises??? It’s keeping him warm?? Looking after him?? Trying to feed him corn?? Nico would die for this chicken.


	35. Chapter 35

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It’s a brief moment in time. Once Nico’s back to normal, so is the chicken. Pecking Nico every time he gets too close. Nico wished he understood. “We had a bonding moment!”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico hates the chicken being mean. But Will absolutely adores the chicken. Perhaps Nico is scary to the chicken?


	36. Chapter 36

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico has never considered the thoughts of a chicken before. He never thought he would as a grown, married, father. But everyone questions their outward appearance to chickens at some point in their life, don’t they?

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico decides he rather likes the chicken. He’s aggressive, sure, but he makes Will happy


	37. Chapter 37

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
At the end of the day, Will’s happiness was what Nico lived for. He got a baby and put up with a mean chicken to make Will happy.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
And, really, it was a chicken. He doubted that a chicken truly had the capacity to hate someone. Perhaps Nico spooked the chicken? It was a softie really-  
*peck peCK PECK*  
Never mind, it’s straight from Tartarus, clearly


	38. Chapter 38

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico can silently plot the demise of a chicken. They can’t live that long, right?

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
However, Will seems to notice the evil glares in the chicken’s direction, the way Nico backed away from it, the way Nico ate more chicken around it. And Will felt a dull ache in his chest. He loved his pet chicken, did his husband really hate it this much?


	39. Chapter 39

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will beings operation Nice Bois where he’s going to convince chicken that Nico is friend, and vice versa. It begins with teaching Nico why eating chicken in front of Chicken is insensitive

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico does not understand. It is a chicken. It becomes hypnotised if you draw a damn line in front of it. The chicken can’t possibly understand that Nico is devouring its cousin. Nico briefly wonders if Will’s chicken would make a tasty roast or a sandwich. Then Nico remembers that would upset Will. He does not voice his desire for chicken stew.


	40. Chapter 40

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Baby and Chicken are odd friends. Nico’s never seen an attack chicken before, but Will’s chicken protects Baby from even Nico

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico cannot understand why Chicken hates him, or why chicken is trying to protect the baby from him. Nico concludes that it must be because he’s cold and smells like a morgue. Maybe Chicken thinks he is the grim reaper. Nico craves death


	41. Chapter 41

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
This is the lowest point in Nico’s life

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico is hated by a chicken. Baby cries because Nico does not like Chicken. His husband is on the side of the chicken. Fuck my life, Nico thinks.


	42. Chapter 42

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
His solution is to lay on the floor for an entire day

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico really wants the chicken to like him. He wants to make Will happy. As he lays on the floor, he is mercilessly pecked by the chicken.


	43. Chapter 43

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico cried a little. It’s the first time he’s cried in years

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The chicken continues to peck him for a few seconds, then makes chicken noises of bemusement. The chicken is confused. Nico is crying so hard right now. The chicken pecks a tear. Then the chicken jumps onto his chest and settles there. It coos like a pigeon. The chicken is still confused but the chicken does not peck.


	44. Chapter 44

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It’s heartbreak

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico feels like he can’t do anything right and he’s heartbroken. The chicken means so much to Will and Nico can’t even get along with it unless he’s sick or sad. He doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. He just really wants the chicken to like him.


	45. Chapter 45

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Then it happens, the chicken lays on Nico’s back while he’s moping on the floor. He doesn’t dare move for risk of being pecked or the chicken leaving

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why the chicken hates him. He doesn’t understand why the chicken is nice to him only when he’s sad. Does the chicken hate Nico so much it likes his suffering? Does the chicken never peck Will because Will is always sad?


	46. Chapter 46

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico has an existential crisis. He doesn’t know what to do

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He does what any self respecting ghost king would do. He cries. The chicken is currently making a nest out of his hair. The chicken sits. He concludes that the chicken is trying to kill him and Will is always sad. He hates his life. The baby is crying. It has pooped. Nico cannot deal with the baby because there is a chicken on his head. The chicken is asleep. It will not budge. Will takes three hours to get home from work. Nico is having a mental breakdown when he does. He still has a chicken on his head. The baby is still crying and smelly. Nico is crying


	47. Chapter 47

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will is ready. He’s worked in ERs before. He shoos the chicken into the backyard before he tends to the baby. Once they’re okay, he sits Nico up and gets him onto the couch and gives him a hug. Baby is much happier now and presents it’s toys to Nico to play with him.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico smilies softly, clutching the toys. He wondered how long it would take for the baby to hate him too. He wanted so badly to ask Will if he was always sad, if he’d made Will sad. He feared the answer too much to ask.


	48. Chapter 48

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will doesn’t make Nico talk. He makes sure Baby and Nico are okay together before he goes to the kitchen to make some feel-good food for Nico to eat. He pops his head in the living room occasionally, and Baby smiles and laughs as they play. It warms Will’s heart.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico wants so badly to know if Will is always sad, so he can help, but he’s so scared that it might be his fault like it was always his fault as a kid that he still can’t bring himself to say anything


	49. Chapter 49

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will doesn’t push or pry, but once Baby is in bed for the night and so are Will and Nico, Will asks softly what had happened to make Nico upset

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico doesn’t know what to say, but before he knows it, he’s saying it all and crying again


	50. Chapter 50

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will is in Panic Mode

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico tells Will how he wishes he could get along with the chicken, and how he wonders if Will is sad because of him, about how he’s scared he’s being a bad husband and a bad dad and how he wishes things could be like they once were


	51. Chapter 51

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It was a lot. Will hadn’t expected it to be that much. He didn’t realize Nico had been holding so much inside. He knew Nico struggled with insecurities, but Will hadn’t realized they’d gotten this bad. How shitty of a husband was he to not even realize how much Nico was hurting? How did he even begin to fix it?

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He started by reassuring Nico that he wasn’t sad, especially not because of Nico. He explained that the chicken likes pomegranates, which is the scent of Nico’s bodywash, so it’s basically trying to eat what he thinks is a giant pomegranate


	52. Chapter 52

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico thinks that sounds pretty ridiculous, but then again, the chicken can’t be any smarter than thinking Nico was food

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico still feels terrible and he doesn’t understand why


	53. Chapter 53

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will offers to give the chicken to a farm where it could be happy and Nico could be free from it

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico started crying again. He didn’t want Will to sacrifice something that made him happy. He felt absolutely terrible. The chicken makes Will incredibly happy and he never wants Will to feel he should give it up


	54. Chapter 54

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will’s at a loss. He doesn’t know what to do.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico’s still worried that Will is sad because of him, and whilst Nico hadn’t admitted it until now, he’s been feeling insecure


	55. Chapter 55

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It’s long night of talking full of tears. The morning breaks with a new understanding for both Nico and Will. Will reassures Nico that he’s not sad at all because of Nico, and Nico assures Will that he hadn’t been neglecting Nico at all. They promise to remind each other often

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
They realise that they should talk about their relationship too. Double check their boundaries and talk about any changes they should try.


	56. Chapter 56

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
A healthy relationship is maintained

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
They made a few changes, like not putting so much weight on wanting to go out for dates which would get cancelled and instead decided to make the effort to stay in and just spend time in each others arms. They definitely needed to kiss more often


	57. Chapter 57

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico’s happy with the extra kisses

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Reyna offers to start babysitting- and chickensitting- of a weekend, so Nico and Will can have some time together without responsibilities once in a while, to recharge and communicate and relax together


	58. Chapter 58

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It’s perfect

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
They spend time just reconnecting. The chicken wonders into the bedroom at night. The covers are warm for the chicken whilst they sleep. Nico still smells of pomegranates. Chicken must peck.


	59. Chapter 59

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It wakes Nico up at night

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico is getting his feet pecked. The chicken is pecking up his calves now. He’s panicking by the time the chicken is past his knees


	60. Chapter 60

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico knows. The chicken is going to peck his dick. He doesn’t know what to do.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The story does not end well. Nico is screaming in agony. He is bleeding. Will is hysterically crying with laughter.


	61. Chapter 61

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico kicked the chicken, and he thinks it’s justified

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The chicken is okay, just confused. Will is laughing so hard he’s glowing. Nico is screaming in pain. He is still bleeding


	62. Chapter 62

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico absolutely refuses to go to the ER. Will had to look at his dick to make sure he doesn’t need stitches. It’s the worst situation Nico’s ever been in

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He needs stitches. He has to go to the ER. He craves death.


	63. Chapter 63

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico tried to hit his head against a wall so he would be unconscious

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
It does not work. He is in too much pain to walk so Will carries him to hospital. His collegues are curious. Will does not hesitate to tell the story


	64. Chapter 64

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“His dick got pecked by my chicken” “Fuck you will”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will’s colleagues are laughing so hard. They cannot breathe. Somebody laughs themselves to an asthma attack. Nico is still bleeding. He is not happy. There is a three hour wait to be seen


	65. Chapter 65

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico’s bleeding from his dick. He’s waiting three hours to get stitches with a bleeding dick. He can’t believe this is his life. He hoped he dies from blood loss

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He does not die of blood loss. He wished he did. The doctor is Will’s dad. Nico begs the gods for death


	66. Chapter 66

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“I sewed my son-in-law’s dick today” Will isn’t too impressed with that. He’s the only one who’s supposed to get to see it. “Cosmetically speaking, it’s a nice dick” Will absolutely does when his dad says this

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico is angry and embarrassed. Will punches his dad. He is glowing like mad. Nobody has ever seen Will so angry. He tells his dad to go manwhore somewhere else and leave his husband alone


	67. Chapter 67

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
RIP Nico forever. He can never live down that his father-in-law said he had a nice dick. For a brief moment, he considers getting it removed so he never had to look at it again

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico is happy when he gets home. He smells of hospitals and not pomegranates. The chicken snuggles up to him


	68. Chapter 68

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Perhaps the dick-scapade was worth it so he and the chicken can be friends

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico decided to change his bodywash from pomegranate to avoid getting pecked. He decided that sandalwood would be nice. Will loved that smell


	69. Chapter 69

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It worked too well. The smell turns Will on.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico, of course, knew this. He has zero regrets. Life is good


	70. Chapter 70

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico can’t use his dick for a little while though after The Pecking, which causes some issues

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico knows his husband is a healer. He does not want to risk it. For now, he’s happy to tease Will. The chicken also likes him now. The chicken is sitting on his chest


	71. Chapter 71

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Despite a wounded dick, Nico has never been happier

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico feels pretty happy. He has a nice little family and things were perfect. Until the baby projectile vomited


	72. Chapter 72

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Babies did that all the time. It’s a wonder it didn’t happen sooner. That doesn’t mean Nico liked it

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico was pretty terrible when it came to having any form of keeping his guts where they should be when things were gross


	73. Chapter 73

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
The baby was puking, Nico was puking

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will was used to this, being a doctor, but that didn’t make it pleasant. He wanted his mom


	74. Chapter 74

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Cue Naomi Solace entering to make everything better

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Except Will completely forgot to come out to her, ever. She has no idea he’s married now


	75. Chapter 75

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Oops

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
“Mama this my close good friend Nico!!!”


	76. Chapter 76

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“And our totally platonic baby!” Will’s dad knows, since he sewed Nico’s dick

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico is trying to appear friendly. He looks terrifying. Will is terrified


	77. Chapter 77

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico trying to make eye contact with Will and telepathically ask wtf he should do

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will is just. Frozen. He has no idea how to do this.   
I’M BI!!!


	78. Chapter 78

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“I’m a single dad and Will has been helping me learn how to raise my son. It made the most sense for us to live together” Nico’s never lied so hard in his life

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
EXACTLY!!! WE’RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS!!! I LIKE THE GIRL SPECIES   
Will is glowing badly


	79. Chapter 79

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Naomi doesn’t believe a single word. She’s a mom.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will is laughing neurotically. He is on the verge of tears


	80. Chapter 80

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It’s deadly silent in the di Angelo-Solace household for what feels like hours

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will realises it’s finally time. “Mama… I’m gay…”


	81. Chapter 81

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“I’ve known that since you were born, Will”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico takes Will’s hand for support. Will’s still pretty on-edge and shaky


	82. Chapter 82

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico can feel Will’s hands shaking in his

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Mama, do you still love me?


	83. Chapter 83

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Of course Naomi still loves her little boy

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will is in tears, he’s sobbing, he’s a mess, and Nico has exactly no idea what to do because he’s nervous and the shadows are killing the plants and he’s sweating which makes him smell like a morgue


	84. Chapter 84

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico’s never come out to anyone like this. His conversation with Hazel about his sexuality hadn’t been like this. He wasn’t sure how to comfort Will, so he just stepped back when Naomi opened her arms for a hug

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will cries into his mom’s shoulder, and Nico is terrified. This is the mother in law. And Nico is in a 3 day old shirt and his tight boxers and he’s sweating and he smells like a morgue and now all the plants are dead


	85. Chapter 85

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
They probably need a moment anyway, don’t they? Nico quietly slipped away to the bedroom to try to put something more presentable on

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He hasn’t done the laundry. He just puts on Will’s cozy black sweater. It’s warm and way too big and it smells like Will. He manages to find his pyjama bottoms so they’ll have to do. He stands awkwardly in the doorway. He’s so nervous he’s shaking and the shadows are getting angsty. He accidentally summons a crow skull. He definitely smells like a morgue and all the plants are dead now and he just knows he looks scary. His sword looks like it’s going to appear from the shadows he’s so nervous


	86. Chapter 86

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico thinks he might be sick. He knows, distantly, that things are okay. At least, between Will and Naomi, but that doesn’t mean Naomi will be accepting of Nico. He had married her son without having ever met him, and now his first impression was going to be a super creepy and weird one because Nico just couldn’t stop the shadows from wrapping around him and threatening to suffocate him

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He’s trying to make as little noise as possible, but he has to sit down, which makes noise. He knows Naomi has noticed him. He knows he’s been seen. He freezes


	87. Chapter 87

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will rushed to Nico’s aid

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico tells Will he’s fine. The whole room smells like a morgue. Nico accidentally summons a zombie in his panic


	88. Chapter 88

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will doesn’t think he’s ever seen Nico so distressed

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico has tried so hard not to attract Naomi’s attention that he has, in fact, attracted her attention


	89. Chapter 89

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico’s frozen, but his entire body is shaking like a leaf, and he’s afraid that if he breathes, it’ll all come crashing down on him

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
“Uh mama this is Nico!!!” Will is trying to smile as much as possible to try to make this less awkward. The accidentally summoned zombie has left the house and left rotting flesh. Nico smells like a morgue. The shadows are creeping up him


	90. Chapter 90

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It’s bad

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico awaits a reaction. He is terrified. Will is nervous


	91. Chapter 91

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Naomi doesn’t know what to say. Nico is seconds away from bolting out of the house

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will squeezes Nico like a teddy bear- way too tight and glowing “Mama this is my husband, I love him!!! He doesn’t bite if you don’t touch- ow, don’t bite me, Nico!” *hiss* “you’re really just a bastard kitty, huh?”


	92. Chapter 92

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico’s gone feral. He’s reverted back to his base instincts. His hair puffs up to make him look larger

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will thinks this is adorable. He hugs tighter. He is bitten. He has no regrets. “Mama he’s just like a kitten!!! Isn’t he adorable?!” Nico hisses again


	93. Chapter 93

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Naomi doesn’t know what to say. Nico’s pupils have gone to slits

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico is shaking. Nico bolts. All the couch cushions and blankets are piled up and covered in a giant blanket fort. He has established a nest. He hisses. “See mama isn’t he just adorable!!! Please say something.”


	94. Chapter 94

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“Is your husband feral?”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
“Yes. Very. But he’s housetrained. He likes head scratches. He gets me flowers from Venice and does all the cooking. He’s my itty bitty death kitty.”


	95. Chapter 95

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Naomi doesn’t know what to say. Nico peeked out from his nest and made a sound that wasn’t human.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The sound was a screech. An unholy, demonic screech. Will pauses. “He’s just hungry and scared of you. If you approach him with food he may let you pet him.


	96. Chapter 96

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“Um, what kind of food?”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
“McDonald’s. There’s a supply in the kitchen.” Nico did not know this. He bolts into the kitchen.


	97. Chapter 97

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Will sighed and brought out the spray bottle. He’d used it for the chicken when it would jump up on the counter, but it was just water, so he could use it on Nico too when he was feral. “No, Nico, put it back,”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
*screeches and stuffs a burger in his mouth. Climbs in the fridge*


	98. Chapter 98

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“Nico! Drop it!”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
*screeches and throws the pickles at Will. The burger is half in his mouth. He will not drop it.*


	99. Chapter 99

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
The burger is soggy from Will spraying him, Nico is on top of the fridge. Will doesn’t know what else to do

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico still eats the burger. He establishes a nest on top of the fridge. He screeches


	100. Chapter 100

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“I promise he’ll calm down in a little bit. Just turn all the lights off and let him be. His eyes glow in the dark anyway”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
“I think he may be a cryptid.” Nico starts knocking stuff off the top of the fridge.


	101. Chapter 101

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“Make sure you don’t smell like burgers. He may attack”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Also mama I know this looks bad but I promise he’s one of the good ones


	102. Chapter 102

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
It’s takes Nico two hours to get off the fridge

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He is embarrassed. He realises he has left a terrible first impression


	103. Chapter 103

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico is now too embarrassed to let Naomi see his face

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will looks to his mama to say something.


	104. Chapter 104

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“Um, hi mrs. solace. I promise I’m not feral”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Yeah!! He’s not feral!!! He’s also a good cook!!!


	105. Chapter 105

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“I just get freaked out kind of easily but I really love your son a lot”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Mama he sings like an angel and he paints like an angel and his food is to die for. He’s just a little on edge today


	106. Chapter 106

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Poor awkward Nico

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Will is smiling awkwardly desperately hoping that his mom likes his husband. Nico looks like he is waiting to be executed.


	107. Chapter 107

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Cue the screaming baby waking up from his nap

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Nico’s Dad Instinct ™ kicks in. He rushes to comfort baby. Will looks to his mama. “I swear he’s a great guy mom


	108. Chapter 108

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
“He’s certainly interesting, Will,”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
Mama he’s the best! He’s a demigod too!! He’s… he’s the son of Hades…


	109. Chapter 109

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Naomi nods and gives Will a smile. “I’m sure he’s great, Will”

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
He’s the best mama!!! He buys me loads of gifts and he cooks for me and he brings me lunches for the night shift and he brings me back flowers and chocolate and he sings to me and he makes soup from scratch when I’m sick!! And mama, he loves me!


	110. Chapter 110

of-gods-and-thieves asked:  
Nico smiled from his spot in the hallway. At least, at the end of the day, he knew how much Will loved him

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The baby reaches towards Will, so Nico takes him to Will, who starts glowing


	111. Chapter 111

anonymous asked:  
Naomi smiled, she saw how much they loved each other. She saw how happy they were.

nicohasahappymeal answered:  
The baby wanted to say hi to Naomi. Will held him out for her. “He’s our son mama!!!”


End file.
